Conspiracy Theory Satire

Conspiracy theorists be like…

16 year old Hanson Gregory invented the ring-shaped doughnut in 1847.

1+8+4+7 equals 20.

A ring-shaped doughnut has 2 circles — one outer and one inner.

20 written out twice is 2020.

The first day of the 16th week in year 2020 is 20.

The month in which the 16th week lands is April. April is the 4th month of the year.

4+16 equals 20.

4-20 reversed is 20-4 and if you remove the dash 20-4 is 204. (We’ll reference this later)

Adding the first two digits of 1847 (1+8) and the second two digits of 1847 (4+7) results in 9-11.

American astronomer Mary Watson Whitney was born on September 11th, 1847.

Mary believed that scientific training would prepare women to get traditional jobs in science in the 20th century.

Mary Watson Whitney died 21 days into the 21st year of the 20th century on January 21st, 1921 in Waltham, Massachusetts.

Waltham, Massachusetts was incorporated in 1884.

1+8+8+4 equals 21.

There are 21 letters in Hanson-Gregory-doughnut.

Hanson Gregory died in 1921.

A statue of Hanson Gregory was erected by the town of Glen Cove, Maine.

It takes 204 minutes to drive from Glen Cove, Maine to Waltham, Massachusetts.

The average American can eat 21 doughnuts in 204 minutes.

If someone eats 21 doughnuts in one sitting, clearly they have the munchies.

The munchies are attributed to smoking marijuana, which is referred to as 4-20.

You just read 21 lines of random ass facts that I pieced together with the loosest unsubstantiated connections that blew your mind.

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“Conspiracy Theory Satire”
© 2019 Dae Bogan

Permission to use under Creative Commons license CC BY-NC-ND (Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs)